mid-week confusion.

4 May

My name — “Hannah” — means “grace” in Hebrew.

My mom was in seminary while she was pregnant with me; she was, specifically, in an Old Testament class when she decided on my name.

The story of Hannah is one of my favorites in the Bible.

It goes something like this:

Hannah was the second wife of a man named Elkanah; and, unlike Elkanah’s other wife, Peninnah, she was unable to bear children. And though Elkanah loved her deeply, Hannah felt that she was lacking; the limitations of her body gave way to sadness, emptiness, and feelings of loneliness.

So Hannah went to the temple alone, and asked God for a son. She wept, and vowed that if she were granted a son, she would give it back to the Lord, in service to him. A priest at the temple, Eli, saw Hannah’s prayers, and, after learning of her hopes, blessed her, saying “Go in peace.”

And she did.

And, miraculously, “in due time”, Hannah had a baby boy that she named Samuel, meaning “God has listened.”

When Samuel was old enough, Hannah kept her word, and took Samuel back to the temple, to be raised by Eli and to learn the teachings of God.

And then Hannah sang a beautiful song to God — a la The Sound of Music, I imagine.

Samuel, Hannah’s son, goes on to become a leader and prominent prophet of the Old Testament.

………

I love the story of Hannah because of the grace she shows while waiting for God to answer her prayers.

Hannah doesn’t forget who she is, and what she wants out of life. But she isn’t selfish about it. She isn’t self-serving. She pursues her passions gracefully.

Which is something that I’ve been struggling with lately, especially here in my current job.

I want to go about life more gracefully.

A. has a old copy of Life’s Little Instruction Book on his bedside table that I’ve been glancing through recently….

And a whole section advises you to never speak badly about your boss,  to never complain at work, and to never bring personal issues to work.

I want to be an authentic person, so I can’t guarantee that I will never bring some of my personal life to work.

But I also want to be a graceful person, and I think this advice is necessary for that.

But I’m caught in this mid-week confusion. Today’s Wednesday, and it feels the same as every other day (at least here at work). I feel stuck in limbo, stuck in conversations full of misunderstandings.

In One Hundred Years of Solitude (one of my favorite books!), the family’s patriarch, Jose Arcadio Buendia expresses a similar concern: …”suddenly I realized that it’s still Monday, like yesterday. Look at the sky, look at the walls, look at the begonias. Today is Monday too.”

It’s frustrating here, on Wednesday, but I’m hoping to learn how to handle it gracefully.

I want to meet life with grace.

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